24th Sunday in Ordinary Time - A reflection by Fr. Leo

Jesus says, “that the Son of Man must suffer greatly.”  These are words we don’t want to hear.  Like Peter, we want to remove such thoughts from our lives or at least minimize them.  This is why there are funeral homes where you can drive by and pay your last respects. The attempt is to minimize the pain of death.  A happy life shouldn’t suffer loss.  Our culture encourages us to be pleasure seekers and to make life a constant party.  Don’t all ads promise this to some degree.  Such a cultural milieu is based on the belief that all pain is bad.

While much of the pain we suffer is unnecessary, saying all suffering is bad only makes our suffering worse.  There is a place for ‘healthy” suffering.  For example, when there is a birth, the mother experiences much pain; a pain that comes with birthing.  It is a pain that appears necessary, but is life giving. The same is true of the person who chooses to become sober.  Their will be much physical and emotional pain until sobriety takes hold and unnecessary pain is replaced with serenity. Self-actualization is reached through self-discipline.  The key is to know when our suffering is good and when it is deadly.  This I’m afraid is a life long task and one that is central to our coming to wholeness or holiness, I think one implies the other.

Sorting out positive and negative experiences must be approached from both the cognitive and emotional aspects of our lives. These aspects are intertwined, and growth depends on them being integrated and balanced.  The challenge is coming to a clear self-awareness that is almost impossible to reach on one’s own.  We are often blind to the unconscious thoughts and feelings that govern our sense of self.  We may feel guilty in a situation in which we shouldn’t feel guilty at all, because of how we have been led to think.  At other times we may not feel guilt when we should because of our misperception of ourselves and others.

For example,  let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic.  We can get angry, and part of that is self-protective and justified in that that person may have put our lives at risk.  But when we concentrate on it and clutch the wheel and cuss up and down beyond the danger that was present, we must recognize that we are angry and probably just angry in general.  Other feelings are bleeding into this one moment.  On the cognitive side we could rephrase that experience by saying to ourselves “Maybe that person has a medical emergency or just didn’t see me in his or her blind spot.  Then we can let it go and move on.  That is normal.  Not to let go is a sign we may be living with a lot of anger that needs to be recognized and dealt with.  Maybe it is really about our boss or someone else who mistreats us we and we are pretending it is ok.

Prayer is a place to sort these things out, as are spiritual direction or therapy, depending on how intense our experiences are.  Some may even need the help of medications for a while. The ultimate goal is to get to know ourselves and live the best lives we can live.  We all have different brains and bodies and that alone can explain a lot of our behaviors as well as the environments from which we were raised. The more we understand ourselves the more we can make better choices and live better lives, but getting there will be hard work and will require a certain amount of suffering. However, in the end this kind of suffering leads to peace and therefore is of value.  As we get to know ourselves and others we will be better able to know when suffering is good and when it is not good. Compassion and empathy will guide us in directing ourselves in our relationships with one another.

In the end we will come into the fullness of the kingdom, knowing that embracing the cross will also lead us to the fullness of life.